I never really understood the term "fighting yourself" or "fighting myself" before December 2018. That was when my life started to take so many turns, and I was so convinced I could handle it all, and not break. I was so sure, because I felt I HAD to handle it, I felt like I had [...]
Kitten Feels Guilty
I knew she had felt bad for what I was going through. I knew she felt bad ending our relationship, I also know she needed to for her. To protect her, to keep her from spiralling down and be able to use her strength to lift herself up. I guess, I didn't think she would [...]
46 and 2 – By Tool
Moving further into this process of fixing myself, my emotions and my confidence, I have been listening to alot of music. I know I have featured tool before, but this song seems really applicable as of late. The concept of 46 and 2 had been developed by Carl Jung and further expanded by Drunvalo Melchizedek. [...]
Bad submissive?
I don’t share others often, but this one hit home. The relationship of the author and her D is where I always saw Kitten and I in 20 years. It is so insightful.
She has a lost of great articles on D/s and being married to her D and more. I wish I found the articles before I lost my Kitten
I’ve never made a secret about the fact that I view myself as a dominant soul, submission is something I give to only one man.
Out in the world I would say that I was much more dominant than the Bear. I’m the one who takes things head on, charges ahead, tries to pave new roads in thinking and actions. That’s my forte, that’s where I feel most alive, most me. I don’t run around telling people I’m ‘dominant’ and telling them they need my help, it’s the opposite actually.
I lead by example, I lead by doing and taking care of business. I lead by being responsible and putting the needs of others ahead of my own wants. I lead by understanding the responsibility I am taking on when I give my word and I lead by never going back on that. To me that is the definition of…
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This Meme Keeping Me Honest….
It is funny how that line between avoid and control got blurred in my life. Even the last few days, I feel better and better about the controlling versus avoiding. Damn this hit Is it Perfect? Nope. Is it better? Do I have major strides to make still? Yes. But can I see it coming [...]
"I Love You Too"
I said goodnight to Kitten almost an hour earlier. She was tired and I was too. Actually, I was freezing, which is usually a sign that I am exhausted. But as I said goodnight, I told Kitten "Happy Valentines Day" and I finished that sentence with her given name. I have been trying to respect [...]
Triggered
It is not even a word I like or associate to myself. I had always been good about controlling my reactions, even in the hardest of situations. I realized now that all of this guilt I let build up has caused me to get triggered, and it was only when Kitten was upset with me. [...]
She Was Asking Too Much?
Someone commented in one of my other post and asked if Kitten asked too much from me, and if she was being unreasonable. My first answer was immediately "NO" and gave the opinion that I should have just told her and communicated when she asked a lot. I believe that is true, but, I never [...]
Blasting People in the Face (A metaphor)
I woke up yesterday and decided I needed to change some things back I let slide over the year. With all I need to do, I surely have let some parts of me go. The first thing, my attitude. I used to have a "no fucks given" attitude for everyone that didn't deserve a fuck [...]
I Don't Want More Space
So, the last few weeks with everything between Kitten and I, I haven't been talking about much unrelated to us with her. To be frank and honest, I didn't really care about too much else. I was just focusing on us, because I was still trying to save something. Now that we are back to [...]
