I know when Kitten is missing the comfort in us. I know when she is missing the peace and tranquility of submission, probably before she does. It is when she is beyond stressed, when work and life nag at her constantly. When everything is happening at once, and she has to handle all of it. I miss it the most then too.
It starts with more texts, more phone calls. I always know what her last few days were, the last few weeks. She is stronger than anyone I know, stronger than me when it is time to push through the suck. But I just can tell when the armor is wearing thin, and needs some re-enforcement.
But, that place inside me, inside us that she is craving to bring peace to her mind, to her body, that moment where I take her into my arms and wrap around her is where I am like a Vampire, she has to invite me in. I can’t push, I can’t nudge. I know the fallout for that if she is not in a place for it, and I won’t do that to her.
I will, and she knows this, let her run to Sir whenever she wants. I will be here, in my best form, ready for her. Maybe it is just to comfort her, maybe it is to reassure her and maybe it is to dominate her. She can stay as long as she wants, and is free to step away from Sir when she is ready.
I earned her submission before, through trust and love. When I lost it, I foolishly, tried to take it back. To push the issue to be all dominating, without earning it. I failed her, as her Dom even when I was no longer her Dom. I will not do it again.
She hinted at it, and perhaps she will open the door more. But, until she invites me in, I stand on the door step. I will stand here as long as she needs, to remind her of the strength, beauty and brilliance. Then, when she is ready, she can tell me, and wrap around my legs and let sir give her all of the things she needs.
My promise to her, that I made with her first collar, will always stand.