I have talked in the past about communication. I have discussed how when someone is worth it, you will do everything to communicate with them, and actually hear them and have them hear you. Sometimes the world gives you a strange way of seeing that communication value.
I know that perception of most Dom/sub relationships, the general perception is that the Dom is in charge, the Sub just sits silent and does what they are told. That is because those people don’t see the “behind the scenes” where the D/s are just people. How often, the Sub has this tremendous inner strength and wisdom, and a good Dom listens, appreciates and values that in their sub.
Kitten and I aren’t in a D/s relationship anymore, but that doesn’t mean she didn’t possess all of those strengths before we were in a D/s. She had those and more, calm, brilliant, common sense, wisdom and much more are all traits that she has, and have honestly they have grown since she took the collar off.
Those are all reasons I fell for her to begin with, even before the D/s side of our relationship. She was the first person to understand me, calm me, help me and let me be frail when it was time. She always gave me the time and tools to fight through whatever was in front of me. This is why, even now as friends, being able to talk and communicate with her is so valued and appreciated, because even now she still does all of those things for me and more.
Last night, I had a family crisis. The details don’t matter, but what does matter for this post is how Kitten reacted, again shows me how invaluable and incredible she is. Because when I first texted her about it, i knew she wasn’t in a position to call, she could only text. I knew she was crazy busy on her end too. But, I had to let her know.
She didn’t even hesitate to talk me through it. I had a 30 minute drive to deal with it. I know me. I professionally dealt with crisis of all sorts for years with 3 to 5 minutes notice. Not a lot of time to think, just go and fix. I excelled at it, actually. I was always calm and well thought out. But, 30 minutes and more prep time, that is hard for me in those situations. I over think and try to cover every scenario and I get my brain overwhelmed. Kitten knows this too, and she went right to calming it.
She texted me, in the middle of everything she had going on, to calm me down. She went through possibilities of what I was gonna deal with, gave me options and suggestions. She told me all the things she knew was true, and how I would have to negotiate numerous obstacles and gave me so many ideas on how to best do it. When I started talking to her I was a tense mess, when I got to where I was going, I was calm and at ease, because of her.
Imagine the value of that person in your life. The only one who can cut through the noise, calm you, talk with you, give brilliant insight and ideas, and then be there after to talk about it and check on you? You can’t imagine that value, because it is beyond comprehension. There isn’t a logical value, it is an emotional value, and there isn’t a way to quantify that. It is invaluable, on all levels.
All you can do is tell that person how appreciated they are, and be there for them when they need it. All you can do is try to give them that same support, when and if they are in a time of crisis. All you can do is be there person. I have told Kitten a few times “thank you” and how appreciated she is. She brushes it off, because she doesn’t take compliments well. But I know she knows how much it means.
These are all the reasons I have adored her all these years. As a friend, Girl friend and a sub. She is my person, however it is presented. She is the rock, and being able to mend my past to a point that I can rely on that, but not take advantage is truly beyond words for how much more I appreciate her. It gives me a sense of calm, like I haven’t had in a long time.
So, as I have noted, if you are looking for a sub, look for these qualities. We all know the sub holds all the power, leash up, sort of speak. But it goes way beyond that, you have a person in your life that brings nothing but light, even in the darkest times. Then, you make sure you are valuing them and reciprocating for them when and if it is time. Maybe your skills are different, but you can use them to be the rock for them. But for god sake, when you find them, you make sure you never let that trust down, for a moment. Because, how could you live without that person holding you up quietly, while everyone else things you are standing on your own.
~sir
Mind of Sir 