It is amazing how your intent versus what is communicated can be way off in a statement. Kitten tonight shared something that related to her situation, and she has had a rough week. We have been talking a lot this week, and she has let me help a little more. But, I am still not communicating the best way I can, and she told me that tonight.
“She doesn’t want you to change, she wants you to be the best version of yourself, because she remembers that guy more than you do”~Sir
I used to be amazing in my communication skills, especially with her. When my depression set in, it was one of the first things that seemed to go away. Now, I have regained so much of myself, but how I communicate still needs some work. I have read about it and studied, communication between people, and have worked on active listening. I even read the book about communications with couples I bought before we broke up. I know that was so much of what caused her and I to fall apart. I have been better as of late, but I am not there yet.
When she and I first met, we talked non stop. We shared everything about us and confided in each other. It was like a drug to be so open and free and honest with someone. I took to it like a fish to water. It was liberating and amazing. When I crashed and stopped communicating, it destroyed us. I wasn’t talking and sure as hell wasn’t listening.
Tonight, she shared something and I tried to show empathy to her by showing her how it applied to me as well, as we have walked the same paths a lot. I guess I meant it like an olive branch conversation “If I show how I have weakness, maybe she will discuss it more from her perspective”. But she explained how it more felt like i was just focusing non myself, and even through she knew it wasn’t my intent, it was how it effected her. Intent is the point, the result is. I guess I need to use direct questions again, like I used too. I know, I know, shocking revelations.
So, I need to listen better as a friend. I need to let her vent more, and do it in a way that doesn’t make her feel like I am being self centered, because that is the furthest thing from my mind. It isn’t about me, at all, I am trying my hardest to help her and let her vent and talk and get it off her chest and maybe lift a weight.
So, I will actively try to do better. For her and me. We are friends, but I also know we are both the only person each of us can be open with. So, I need to make adjustments so SHE is comfortable and feel like I am listening and helping, because it is important to me that she feels that way and knows I am here for her as much as she will let me. She is still my best friend, and she deserves that safe spot to know she can open it all up and be heard and understood.