It doesn’t matter what sort of interpersonal relationship you are in, couples, friends, family or even work, when you and another person are understanding each other better, you communicate better. when you communicate better, you understand each other better. Does that mean everything will be sunshine and roses all the time? No, clearly that is not how life works. But, does that mean when something arises between you and the person you are communicating well with, it is easier to resolve? You bet your ass.
Kitten and I have been having a great week communicating and talking. We have had a few “This is where I am on this” moments, and we have resolved them quickly. We are not just talking, we are communicating. We are understanding, and discussing differences. We are easier than we have been in a long time.
This has always been one of my goals with her since we broke up. Respecting her and earning some trust back, as a friend, has been important to me. She deserves it after all she did for me, and I deserve it as well. I know the things I would never do again, breaking her trust through silence and avoidance. I will not ignore her words, even though I acknowledge them. I will not take her for granted, nor will I put too much on her as a friend. I will not hurt her again.
Will we disagree? Yep. Will we argue, Yep. Does that mean that we can’t or shouldn’t be friends, Nope. It is hard, it is a multi-prong dynamic given our past together. I know it is hard, and her friendship and trust is worth all of that. It is also nice to see her being more herself, a wee bit at a time. That is the most important thing to me, if we are honest, seeing her be herself. Seeing that fiery, brilliant woman on full display.
There are a million maybes as too why we are communicating. Maybe we have changed? Maybe we have grown? Maybe we have put things behind us. Maybe all of them, maybe none. It really doesn’t matter, what matters is I feel like I have earned her trust a little. which is a huge victory for me personally with her, because I want her to have that place she knows she can go in order to vent, talk, maybe cry and have a safe place to do it all.
She joked today that I am like a little puppy dog ready to play, anytime we discuss a new or reopened part between us. I still think maybe the wolf puppy is there a little, but I really hope she see’s why it is important to me. Not because I want anything more, as far as a relationship or such. No, I just focus on being her person. A place where she knows she can go, no judgment. No stress, just a safe place. She actually asked me to re-affirm (paraphrasing a little) my intentions which I did. I know she is still scared and has every reason. She had done so much for me, and she is such a large part of my life, that it is an honor to have any of that at all. She deserves it, after all we have gone through.
If someone is important to you, I mean really important, don’t give up communicating. Don’t stop trying to talk. There maybe a hundred setbacks, especially if trust was lost. But if you or the other person is sincere and wanting to make things right, then eventually one of you will have a small break through, and it gets easier.