I haven’t had the chance to write the last week and a half. But, it isn’t for bad reasons. I have been busy with good things. Spending a lot of time with Kitten, virtually, and just enjoying my day to day. Kitten and I have made some good progress in our D/s relationship, and it has made me feel amazing, confident, strong and mostly, HAPPY!
I have increased my dominance with Kitten more and more. When we agreed to try the D/s only relationship, I knew it had to be different than it was before when we were D/s and a dating couple. The question was how? Where were the lines between “This is Sir speaking”, versus “this is the boyfriend speaking”. I wanted to make sure I was walking that line properly for Kitten. Listening has been the key, as it always seems to been and I just didn’t do it well before.
Slowly but surely, we are establishing where we want to be as Sir and Kitten. I knew, especially for Kitten, that we needed to go slow and not just jump back to where we were, she needed to feel the trust again. Small bits of dominance to start to ensure the non submissive part of her brain was comfortable. She craved to be submissive, but the scars of how I had let her down before were still prevalent, and she was trying to push past them and recognize and rely on the changes that I have made in myself. It is truly amazing to see your submissive fight through herself for your and your dominance.
There have been small setbacks and speed bumps. But, we talk them out and work on them very openly and positively. Kitten asked that I be patient and sweet during these times, and I have made sure she has got what she asked for. The setbacks haven’t even been major, usually a day or two of “this happened, we figured it out, and now we are moving forward”. The conversations about them have also been constructive and caring. One of the things that I told her was that I would go at her pace, and I would know when she was ready for more and deeper submission. . She would tell or show me when she was ready, and she did.
I had been very light to start. It wasn’t like before, when I was just not able to bring myself to be hard on her because I was making assumptions and failing and then afraid to fail so I didn’t do anything. Now, I knew what I had to do and was waiting for her to be ready, and then I would add more. She got frustrated last weekend and told me I wasn’t engaging enough as Sir. I wasn’t flexing dominance. She was right, I wasn’t, because I couldn’t drag her into submission, she needed to give it.But, she was telling me she was ready.
Now, I will admit, I had nerves about myself as Sir, as I failed so hard before. I was nervous if I pushed harder than she was ready for, she would pull back. That was why she asked for sweet and patient, but now she was telling me she was ready for more.
So, we discussed it and almost immediately I let more “Sir” out. Homework, tasks and just more structure. Nothing she wasn’t ready for, but everything we both craved. Then, a few days ago we had a session. When we had been intimate up until then, I had been following her lead on her boundaries. I hadn’t pushed hard, because I was respecting where she was telling me she was.
This time, I took more control over her during it, as she was ready. I forced more orgasms, forced her to submit sexually more than she had in 9 months. She only hesitated for a moment, then, like my good girl, she let herself go, and gave herself to me. It was beautiful, sexy and so strong, I felt like I was on top of the world again. I saw the strength inside of her self and the confidence in me, and I wasn’t about to waste either.All of the nerves and worry about going too fast, were gone. Sir, was front and center and Kitten was his only focus. I watched, my strong and confident submissive show her true self, and it was beautiful. I loved every moment of it as the bond grew deeper. But, I knew that the drop was coming. I could hear it in her voice, and that was not missed. She had not been this deep in subspace in a long time, and I knew the “high” would bring the drop, hard.
Afterwards, I got to aftercare right away. I was too pushy, as Kitten told me later, but she felt I did great caring for her during the drop. I heard her getting a little frustrated at my pushing to comfort her, and after she said she would appreciate it if I asked what she needed more versus trying to drown her in affection and reassurance, but she was very sweet and positive about how it was said to me. My first job is to protect her during a drop and help her get back. So, I will absolutely do as she asked in the future. The drop ended with her in my pajama pants, sweatshirt and holding her new stuffie I got her this week. She dropped hard, but she recovered amazingly, as she always has. She is such a wonderful combination of strength, submission, brilliance and of course, beauty. I felt like we had taken a major step forward.
I mentioned her stuffie, a little black wolf (Jelly is his name), and I have another (Kane) that is identical. I am putting my “scent” on Kane and when I visit in September, we will swap so she can smell and feel closer to me whenever she wants. I have been trying to find new and exciting ways to close that distance, so, when she asked for a stuffie, I didn’t waste the chance and jumped all over it, whatever my Little wants, she gets.
I also had got her an adult relaxation coloring book. When we discussed her homework, and how before I didn’t really give her homework that fit her personality, I started looking for something that did fit. Kitten is insanely artistic, and I felt that an adult coloring book was a good way to give her relaxing and fun homework after a long day. I am still looking for new homework ideas for Kitten, that would relax and make her day better.
I have been working hard at listening, actively. I have really been enjoying finding a new way with Kitten, that meets both of our personalities. New homework, new punishments, or non punishments and rewards that help us feel closer. She has been so strong and amazing, I can not put to words how proud of her I am. It is like all the excitement as when she first submitted, but with the knowledge and wisdom we didn’t have before, and confidence and communication are running hand in hand. I am, without a doubt, the luckiest Dom on the planet, and I am not taking it for granted this time, I own her and I will make sure she is happy that I do.