My First go around as a Dom, I did alot of research. I also tried to use what I learned through research to try and better the bond between Kitten and I. When it came to homework, I was hit and miss. I was trying to do too much some days, and not enough on others. I became so focused on regular homework, for Kitten and I, that I was not focusing on the quality or type of homework.
When we were discussing our current relationship, Kitten had said how she loved homework, but I would sometimes force homework she wasn’t adept too. Now, some Doms may see that as “well, she needs to improve in that area”. But, after discussing it with Kitten and thinking more about it, I don’t see that as the only option.
I used to assign things like a writing essay. Kitten told me a few times that she never liked these assignments as writing was more my thing than hers. She is creative, artistic, brilliant and obedient, but she isn’t a writer. She would do well if I started one paragraph, and then she wrote the next and we would build a story together. But a straight writing assignment was not enjoyable to her, “you like to write, but I don’t” she said. She was right.
So, as I thought more about homework, I thought about it building our bond. She loves structure. She loves to serve me. She loves to be obedient, and wants to do the best job on her homework that she can. She always had said and shown me that. So, why set her up to fail or not enjoy it? Why drive a wedge into the homework that she loves? The answer is I shouldn’t and wont. I want it to give her that submissive feeling that she loves, and be able to accomplish the homework with exuberance and happiness.
I have started off slow. Simple homeworks like pictures of her, or what she was doing. Water consumption and self care, things that she could work into her busy day and still enjoy and feel accomplished for her and me.
I also started long-term homework assignments, which I hadn’t done before. This one was about Shibari rope work. I have become more interested in Shibari Rope Work. I found a website, www.shibariacademy.com, where I am learning more and more about it. Kitten says she is nervous and excited to try it, which is exactly what I want her to be. I like the nerves, as overcoming them for me is a building of our bond. The excitement, well I think my liking her excitement is self explanatory.
But, as I did some of the online classes at Shibari Academy, I saw there were some free and short classes I thought Kitten would benefit from as we explore it. So, I used that for long-term homework. I set up a spreadsheet with the classes I want her to view before my next visit. They are about sub care, sub roles and safety. I also told her if she wants to take all of them on the site that are free, so she can learn and maybe help me, I would like that, but the ones I gave her are must do’s.
Speaking of spreadsheets, that is another part of the homework and D/s between us that I have tried to use more, because I know my Kitten. Kitten does great when things are dropped in her lap. She handles conflict amazingly and unexpected problems, like a machine. But that isn’t how she likes everything. Kitten loves to have a plan, clear instructions and expectations, and a path for structure. So I have been trying to give her that with homework and other things, to give her calm through structure. It really does calm her mind to have structure, it also lets her feel closer to me and me to her.
Caring for her heart, body and mind is my job. Giving her homework is a fun bonding process for us both. Doing it in a way that helps her feel relaxed and submissive, then be successful is my goal.
Know your little one, know their strengths and weaknesses. Use that homework to build them up, build that bond, and let them feel submissive and obedient to give them closeness and comfort to you. That is, after all, most likely why the submitted and why you took them as a submissive. Help your submissive shine, let them know how proud of them you are. There are plenty of ways to be a physical Dom. But, the emotional Dom, in all of the good ways, takes some time and effort but pays off for both of you in ways that you can not measure.
So, be a good teacher, and give out that homework!
~Sir
Mind of Sir 