“Can I Come Into The Out Now?”

 meme

When Angel sent me this today, I didn’t even think Angel meant this in regards how we interact when she sent that meme. I honestly thought it was a Covid-19 Meme about things not being open. Once Angel has her mind set on something, she usually doesn’t relent on it until she feels it is time. I didn’t know how long she was going be on her “Walkabout”, so I told myself not to expect any change until she told me. But, Given that Meme’s were always kind of a “door opener” between us when things would get hard, I guess I should have recognized it.

I think a big part of that, is I have mentally put myself in a mindset to give her all the space she needs as she was on her “Walkabout”. That isn’t to say she is done and has figured it all out, or we are a couple. That isn’t the case, at all, it just means she misses me and I miss her and we are going to talk more normal. I am still going to give her space and respect all she has going on, but it does mean I get to have more time with her, and for me that is amazing.

I do, and have missed her a ton. I also know she is has a HUGE bucket of life to sort through and figure out. I do as well, as I venture down this path of a new career and starting my own business and making alot of changes. I am just focusing, when it comes to us, on today.

There are people who say “if yoy love something, set it free” and ‘It takes two”. Both are true. It does take two, in every type of relationship between people. Friends, family, romatic and everything in between. I didn’t do my “half” of the two before when we were a couple, I will do it as a friend.

I don’t know where we will end up. I know what my heart feels, I know what I want. But I know that the path between here and there needs to be cleared, and that if it is still even an option when she gets to that point in her heart. But, to take a step back down the path of friendship, talking more and just having her in my life, is a path I will gladly forge becuase if nothing else, her friendship is still incredibly important to me.

I did set her free, and I do love her. If that part will ever come back, time will tell. We both are still sorting alot as individuals, and for now we need to focus and still support each other and make each other laugh and just enjoy what we do have. Something I did forget last year. To enjoy the day as it was, enjoy us as it was, and not always look for more.

It made my day that she said that, I have missed her alot the last 2 weeks or so. I still get excited when she texts, and happy. She still causes an amazingly happy brain and heart response, to this day. I missed that feeling, as my brain and heart wasn’t fully appreciating that in the past.

I still need to respect her space and her time, as I have been. I can not try and bullrush in like I used too. That part is hard still at times, because I am still a dominant person, hell thats what this blog was originally about. I don’t get to show that part of me much right now. But I am still that person. But now, I need to respect Angel and her situation. I never wanted to rush to change her mind, but to change what she was going through. To make stuff better for her, and around her. She is doing, and always has, an amazing job with that all by herself. I just need to be a supportive, strong and positive person in her life and take care of me day to day and make my plans to secure my future.

I don’t want any of this to seem like I am feeling flat or mundane. That is surely not the case, I am beyond excited that Angel and I will talk more than we have. I am super excited to share more of her day, and tell her about mine. But, I am also not going to allow my emotions to run free, as that has been a problem for me. Take the good, love it apprecaite it, and take care of the business that needs taking care of.

There are no guarantees in life, I have learned that the hard way. I know that life is a constantly changing set of circumstances, and that you have to adapt and adjust and be honest with yourself about things. Hope is nice, but hope isn’t a battle strategy for life. Dedication, sweat equity, and finding the good in everything is the approach. Execution, follow through and apprecaition is the meat of it. Reflection and enjoyment is the reward.

But, with all of that said, It is so nice to have Angel “In from the out, now”, because I surely missed it.

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