I Watched Her Change

I have watched Angel change so much in the last few months. It isn’t in a way that I don’t know her, it is more “her”. She has been fighting for herself, trying to regain that self reliance and gain back her independence she gave up when we were together. Like she said, she never needed me, but she chose me. Now, she needs her, and I understand and respect that. It helps scars heal, and a person be more in control of themselves. It is amazing to see, but also hard, as I am the one who pushed her back to that mentality. It reminds me of this song, Change – By the Deftones:

I watched you change
Into a fly
I looked away
You’re on fire
I watched a change in you
It’s like you never had wings
And you feel so alive
I have watched you changeI took you home
Set you on the glass
I pulled off your wings
Then I laughed
I watched a change in you
It’s like you never had wings
Now you feel so alive
I have watched you changeIt’s like you never had wings
Anh, ahah
Anh, ahah
Anh, ahah
Anh, ahah
Anh, ahahI look at the cross
And I look away
Give you the gun
Blow me awayI watched a change in you
It’s like you never had wings
Now you feel so alive
I have watched you change
And you feel alive
You feel alive
You feel alive
I have watched you change
It’s like you never had wingsAnh, ahah
Anh, ahah
Anh, ahah
Anh, ahah
Anh, ahahYou change
You change
You change

No matter how I tortured her emotionally, now matter if it wasn’t intentional, she still changed. She is growing and still is. One her own, and for that I am grateful. Nothing is perfect, and god I still love her, but her ultimate happiness is what I want. It is the least I can do, for the woman who gave everything she could to me, and nothing less.

(Songwriters: Abe Cunningham / Abran Cunningham / Chi Cheng / Chino Moreno / Chino Camilo Moreno / Stephen CarpenterChange (In the House of Flies) lyrics © Warner Chappell Music, Inc) I do not own this music of its rights and it is used under the fair use licensing of You Tube.

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6 Comments

  1. A bit off topic but, have you ever taken the Myers-Briggs personality test? I relate to some of what you write but other things leave me confused. I was hoping that the answer to this would help me to understand more clearly, that all. 🙂

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      1. LoL No no I didn’t mean to say that, I just am particular in my way of thinking/understanding things and people. I’m not a social butterfly, I’m a psychology butterfly -if that makes sense. I understand things through logic and science, including people. *smirk*

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      2. So. With Angel, no part of my normal personality is the same. So, I’d if it would even be accurate. She touched and changed so much in me, or drew it out. Either way. I will give it a shot. Obviously I want her total happiness however that is, that being said, she is more like the girl she was when we met now. That doesn’t mean there aren’t aspects I wish I could have back. But seeing her happy, has always been my goal. So. Idk. I’m not that mushy or caring for anyone else. She used to call me the sweet dom, lol. Cause ill smack her ass when it was time but I can also be a huge mushball for her. Lol

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      3. yeah, the test might help you to understand yourself too. In this journey of yours, understanding self is important. Mine was mostly pretty basic and some truly eye opening things as well. (when I took the test).
        You don’t change, you react to your environment. That, I think is what angel does for you – and perhaps, your for her.

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