The Drunk Test?

Well, in the past, I haven’t done well with a few cocktails in me and talking to Angel. From the stupid decisions to try and take submission back, to just trying to talk her back into being my girlfirend, and well, it always ends with me trying to get her back and breaking down in the process.

Yesterday, Angel and I had a great day as friends, with a little benefit in the morning that didn’t trigger my emotions, though I fear it did trigger hers a little. Either way, we carried the day toalking and chatting. I was then invited to a “zoom hangout” with friends and family, as we are in this new normal.

Part of the zoom thing was it was happy hour. I was ready to go with moscow mules. I was texting with Angel and watching the zoom, and Angel said she was going to have a cocktail too, and we should probably stop texting, as i haven’t done well with it in the past, which was true. I didn’t want to say goodnight so early, but I understood her logic.

Then, Angel texted me a while later, and we just talked. we joked, we cooked together (apart, but together) and had some more cocktails. I actually got pretty drunk, which I was feeling great so I wasn’t worried.

Suddenly, it happened. Angel was tired and had a few drinks. I was done eating and cleaning and honestly not far bed. So, we said goodnight, without incident. It was just goodnight, that was it. I even sent her another message before I went to bed, and it wasn’t sad or emotional. It was just a longer goodnight than usual.

I feel like that was a big test, as “drunk” me is normally honest and blunt. Angel said she used to love “drunk” me because I was fun and honest, even sappy. I wanted to be sappy, of course, but it wasn’t the time and my heart knew that. Angel, is also brilliant and she knows what is in there. Not sad, not mad, just sappy about her and how amazing she is. But, I didn’t. I just enjoed out time, enjoyed my night. Hell, I even did dishes before bed.

So, I passed a major test, for me. It shows the progress that is made and that the demons that were inside may finally be clearing. Is it done? Nope, I have to keep working on me and enjoying my life. But, I do feel this is a major step, and I am happy to have spent a fun night, and just relax.

~S.L.

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