It’s a Thing

It started pretty early with Angel and I. We weren’t talking long before I started to have this weird “thing”. You see, at the time, Angel was dealing with a lot of hard things. Without details, some of them would be sudden and immediate. But, the more we talked, the more I had this “thing” start, where I thought I could feel her emtion, even from far away.

You see, we were long distance, even then. But we talked constantly, and really started to connect. The “thing” grew with us as a couple. I thought I was just imagining it at first, but one time I kind of explained it Angel to after something happened and I asked if she was ok before she even said anything about what had happened.

Over time, the “thing” grew more and more. We called it the “thing we don’t discuss” but it kept happening over and over. It started as only bad, and after time I could feel the good too. Angel and I didn’t think it was a real “thing” as neither of us ever believed in that sort of thing. But, eventually the evidence presents itself enough that you can not deny it.

The last year, the thing was all over the place. I kept asking her if she was ok, because I kept having a bad feeling. I guess “The thing” was looking at everything and telling me it was wrong, and I was looking at specifics and thinking it was wrong, I don’t know how it works, it didn’t have a user manual. But, I eventually discarded it as me being paranoid, I should have listened to it more, and understood it more and not have been so short sighted and self centered.

The last few months, the “thing” has been more consistent. It hasn’t been as constant, but I have started to feel Angel again. We talked about it once, after I told her I knew something was going on with her. I even tried to deny it happening, because that was a huge part of us closing the long distance emotionally. I didn’t want to open any scars.

It happened again last night, Angel hurt (broke?) her toe, and that wasn’t what triggered it, as we talked all afternoon about it. But later, I felt it. and I was right, she texted and told me she was feeling blah and tired. I woke to the same feeling today too, and I knew she was in the same mode.

It is strange that it is popping up again. Maybe as I gain more life clarity, and accepting changes and slowly, but surely, getting to be where I want to be as a person, it is allowing that to come through again. Maybe that is the sign I should have always een following when I was trying to figure myself out. I don’t know, but it is good to feel my Angel again, even if the feeling isn’t great. That may seem selfish, and it is. But, feeling connected to her however I can be is important, and I will take it.

That being said, I would absolutely trade that “thing” to have Angel never have a bad day or rough moment. I know that is impossile, I know no matter what we will all have bad days, but I would in a moment. I have seen Angel fall on swords, suck it up, and more. She definelty will self sacrifice, and I never want her to do that again. But, I can’t change that, so all I can do is be here ready to talk if she ever wants too.

Now, I am sure people have questions and want to debunk the “thing” upon reading this, so please fire away and I will answer.

~S.L.

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