“She deserves to be adored”~Sir
I have talked before about subspace and drop, this isn’t about that. No, this entry is about making sure that you are caring about all aspects of your submissive. I think, as a dominant, you try and find the balance between being dominate in the way your submissive needs, and being a partner your submissive needs as well. I can tell you, I have made mistakes here.
Yes, there are reasons that a dominante can make this mistake, but not excuses. I think as a dominate, we feel we have to always be perfect. I know when I am less than perfect, I become very disappointed in myself. I also know that when Kitten feels like she isn’t being a perfect submissive, she feels the same.
No one tells you when you get into a Dom/Sub relationship that you would love deeper, harder and more passionately than you ever have in life. No one says “By the way, on top of this feeling of being more loved than ever, you will also hold yourself to a standard you never thought possible”. I think Kitten would agree with this comment. Also, if you don’t feel this way, get out of your relationship, as hard as this high standard can be, both of you deserve to be loved like this.
No one also tells you that you will have a hard time some days being a boyfriend vs. being Sir. Being a dominate doesn’t mean to always dominate. Now I don’t rule with an iron fist 24/7, if you have read my blog that is hardly the case. But, it does mean that you are very much used to being the “top”, that you may miss the chance to just be the boyfriend or lover.
Let me explain, yesterday Kitten and i were texting about the cookies she was baking. I started describing how I wanted to smear some cookie dough on her thighs and devour her thighs and tease her. Kitten then told me how she could feel it, and began to tell me her fantasy about how she felt in that moment. How she saw me stand back up, kiss her, slide my fingers inside her wet pussy right there in the Kitchen. She was going into detail about kissing me and touching me.
What did I do, I took over the conversation. I began telling her how i would make her sit on her hands and tease her more. Now, does that mean that it wouldn’t be welcome ever? No, that is the not the case. But I missed a vital clue on what kind of mood Kitten was in, and it fucked up the fantasy, plain and simple.
You see, if you know your Submissive, you know their mannerisms. You know their behaviors and even in texting, how your submissive feels. I would venture to say, that as a good dominate, it is part of your job to know your submissive on a level that you pick up on the smallest clues. I take pride in knowing Kitten on this level, however, I can miss the clues.
Kitten was overtly telling me how she wanted to kiss and touch me. How she wanted to run her hands all over me. This was the missed clue on 2. The first is that when Kitten is in full “Submissive” more she won’t touch me unless I tell her too, more often than not.
The second is that Kitten doesn’t overtly lead the texting fantasy. We text all the time, but normally I sort of “lead” the direction. This wasn’t the case, she was telling me to my face what she wanted, and I chose to dominate the conversation. I missed the clue, plain and simple. The fantasy stopped and Kitten had to explain to me why she was upset.
First, I am glad she told me. Even when it is hard, I always want her to tell me when something doesn’t feel right or I don’t give her what she needs. Second, it sucks to ruin a fantasy for the person you love and adore, even if it isn’t on purpose. She knows how I react when I feel like I don’t give her what she needs, I take it hard. Why? Because my Kitten deserves the perfect Sir, Boyfriend and bestfriend. She deserves it, and I will always strive for it.
“You are always my dominant, and I always want that” was essentially what she told me when I explained that I need to do better about not ALWAYS being sir. That was when I said “Being a dominant doesn’t always mean to dominate” and I need to learn to better balance. Not just for Kitten, but for me as well.
I took it hard, when I realized what I had done. I spent a while thinking bout it in my head. Not taking care of ALL of my Kittens needs, well, makes me feel like a failure. I need to remember to be tender, passionate, loving, sweet and most importantly, to listen to her, watch her, pay attention to her. To do all of the things she deserves.
When we were discussing all of this, she told me that when I texted her to sit on her hands (to not touch me while I teased), I added “Kitten” to the sentence. Kitten will tell you that when I use “Kitten” she will always listen, and she will submit. It is a tremendous power I hold over her, and yesterday using “Kitten” when she was trying to express herself, I shut her down and made her feel “Little”. This is not how i want her to ever feel.
Kitten will tell you she is always my “Little”. She is always in my hand, in my lap, in my arms and around my thighs. It is where she is loved and safest. But being my “Little” and feeling little arent the same. To be made to feel “little” is not what i want my strong, beautiful and powerful Kitten to feel. She is so full of power, and submits to nobody other than me. That is how I want her.
It was a lesson learned, and I am glad it happened. I am also thankful for Kitten telling me how I made her feel. I love her, and I adore her and I never want to not be better for her. Being Kitten is who she is, but she is also my girlfriend. She is also my best friend. She deserve to be allowed to feel all of those things. To be able to just love on her man, and show me the passion she has for me. She deserves to let everything in her heart come to light, and I deserve to receive it.
Have you been a dom or sub in this sort of situation, where you missed a clue or neglected to just be a significant other? How did you and your other half deal with it? Do you have any advice that can help avoid it in the future? Let me know in the comments below. Please like and subscribe and feel free to share with someone you think may appreciate my writings.