When Kitten and I were first finding our way in our “new” relationship, we did a lot of research. The research was Kitten’s idea, as she is much better at learning about things that are new to her than I am. So, we set off to learn as much about a Dominant and Submissive relationships as we could.
We weren’t ever looking to duplicate someone else’s ideas about who we should be. But we were looking for ideas we could add to our relationship to build our bond. We were “green”, both of us, and we wanted the most out of our new love that we could get.
So, after research and discussion, Kitten agreed that I would write the rules, and she would follow them. Well, it was’t that simple. I would come up with a rule and present it, she would agree or suggest changes and then the list began to grow. We started simple, at first, and then we expanded.
Why does she have to agree? She is a Submissive.
Yes she is, but at the time we were still learning our roles together. Part of the reason I sought her input is because I am a fair Sir. I am not going to set rules that she could not live by and with in an effort to assert dominance. She submitted to me, and I have total control, we were creating rules for us to succeed as a couple, and that meant fair and just rules.
I use the word “just”, because I strive to be a just Sir. Every relationship has rules, most are unsaid. But our relationship, with her submitting all of herself to my whim, meant that we had to have special rules to protect her and I. My first job, always, is too protect her. Even if that means I have to protect her from me.
Rules are like laws in our relationship. Laws are, historically, created by the majority of people saying “this is how we want things”. I was the one to enforce the rules, and therefore, I needed to make sure that they were fair and reasonable. I needed to set Kitten up to succeed and not fail.
So we started, with “simple” rules. How Kitten is too address me, the fact that our roles and rules don’t stop at the bedroom door, collar procedures, when there is an “exception” and more. Kitten took to her role in writing the rules perfectly. She typed them out in a document, made sure to clarify any wording and putting them in order.
Without going into our specific list of rules, as they are sacred to us and I wish to keep the vast majority private, we covered just about everything we could think of, inside the bedroom, outside, homework, punishment and more. We tried to cover every possibility, and let me tell you, it is impossible to do just that. But, we had a good set of rules that we both approved of, and they went into effect right away, and they were amazingly beneficial to us.
Since then, we have had to re-write and agree to the rules. But I chose them, and Kitten agreed or suggested changes even still. Though our reason for refreshing them was due to me failing (another blog post down the road will discuss that), I think it is important to update your rules and expectations to adapt to your life and relationship.
Building and rebuilding our rules together was an incredible bonding opportunity for Kitten and I. It brought us closer and surely created the dialogue for what Kitten and I expected in our relationship. It was our vows to each other. It was our core values, our list, our life. I read them regularly, I think about them regularly. They are the words that bind my Kitten to me, they are sacred and they are “our contract”.
Did you and your Sub or Dom write your rules? Tell me about your experience doing so, good and bad, in the comments below.
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