Kitten said that that a few days ago, when I was trying to explain to her the things I wanted to do for her. She was right, she doesn’t need protection.
I have said before, Kitten is strong, fierce, smart and brave. She is a force to be contended with, she is a power house. That is why she doesn’t need my protection, but she deserves it.
I think the first assumption is that I wanted to protect her physically. I do, and I would. I would protect her from anything and anyone. I would step in front of the bullet for her, and she knows this is true. But, that isn’t the only thing I mean.
I want to protect her heart and her mind. Kitten had gone through alot of pain before me, and has gone through alot with me, recently because of me. She doesn’t deserve any if it, but I cant stop it all.
No, but I can be there to heal the pain. I can protect her from feeling alone. Inevitably we all deal with “bad things”, that is life. I want her to know that even though I can’t stop it, I will be right there to help her through it. To help her heart and mind heal when she needs it. To talk her through the problem, or just hold her, shut up and let her know she is safe and loved, and she always will be.
I know during my spiral, I felt like I wasn’t protecting her enough. I know now, I was protecting her wrong. I wasnt loving her and being there emotionally when she needed me. It is a mistake I will never make again.
She will never feel like she can’t put all of it on me, and have me be there every step of the way, loving her for the amazing woman that she is. Being soft when I need too. Being stern when I need too. Being the silly or funny guy, when she needs it being the quiet arms and chest she can fall into, cry and let it all out.
No, she doesnt need my protection. But she deserves it. I need to protect her. I need to care for her, love her and I NEED to be her rock. She is my angel, and I will protect her always.