Kitten isn’t the only reason I am really attached to my phone, but my relatioship with her surely added on to it. I am trying to be better about not holding it constantly, but it is a weird thether to let go of.
I need it for work, personal life and numerous other things. Being on call, 24/7 makes it a requirement. But that is usually not an issue if I can respond with in a few hours, but when I met Kitten, I glued it to me.
You see, when Kitten and I first met, we both had limits on when we could text and chat. Even after I didn’t really have that limit, she did for a long time. She couldn’t just text whenever, so I “had to” always be ready so when she did, I could maybe send a few messages back and forth.
That became our lifeline, and I never wanted to miss the text from her. I wanted a chance to interact whenever I could. So, I had it on me all the time. I even changed alot of my schedule to make sure I had time when I knew she would.
The texting, the off chance phone calls, all of it was and is still important to me. Now, it is because of this distance, and I still jump when I hear the alert. I have to back down and not show my excitement to hear from her, but I am.
Even over the last year, when I was at my worst, I was always lifted when I would hear from her. It all of the darkness, and that is such a weird invidual place to be inside yourself that only you can experience and cant even explain, That call or text was my only way to snap out of it, even a little.
I am trying to put it down more, to not have false hope that I will hear from her unexpectedly. I am trying to lift that stress of not having it glued to me, because I know where we are now. I am just a friend, and she will chat and message when she feels like it. I have to be a friend too, and just take it as it comes.
But, even today after not hearing from her all day, I got excited to hear the alert, so, it may not be as easy as I think. I am stepping forward, trying to get better and make good changes for me and still be there whenever I can be for Kitten, even if she doesn’t need me.