It is funny how that line between avoid and control got blurred in my life. Even the last few days, I feel better and better about the controlling versus avoiding.
Is it Perfect? Nope. Is it better? Do I have major strides to make still? Yes. But can I see it coming a little better? Yes, because I was able to be shown first hand I was either avoiding my shit, or losing it. But I WAS NOT controlling it.
Being able to confront the “feels”, take a breath and deal was a strength I had for a long time and it served me well in most situations.
It was never “fight it flight” with my emotions, especially with Kitten. But I let that “fight or flight” instinct take over when I was feeling insecure, misunderstood or upset.
Seeing me torpedo myself a few times over the last few days really made me take stock in exactly where and how I was responding in a way that I never had before.
It was a good thing to see, it let’s me remember how I used to be and how I am. It also let’s me focus on a major trouble spot I struggled with and work to rebuild that personal foundation.
Thanks for the boost, random Twitter/meme guy.