As I have taken a multi pronged approach to fixing myself and learning more about what I have done poorly over the last year, I came across an article about cyclical behavior. Now, I am not a therapist, and I don’t even try to suggest how to live your live, this is just things I learn.
Cyclical behavior is very broad, you can read more about it here. But one of the things that stuck out too me was in the last article was this quote:
What doesn’t happen is neither the cycler, or the frequently present enabler, takes a sustainable stance that addresses the underlying unmet need in a healthy way. Rather all parties stay in crisis mode, and lose self-focus and purpose. Often immense energy is wasted trying to control the situation, which is falsely reinforced when the inevitable swing in the other direction seems to indicate that the controlling tactic ‘is working.’ In this circumstance, it is difficult to learn from experience, because approaches that will never really work seem to ‘start to work.’ The problem comes to be seen as complicated and elusive, when in fact, it is simple but requires hard choices to surmount.– Reich and Lowen therapy
I was constantly staying in crisis mode in my day to day life. I don’t even know how I was doing it, or when it started. I stopped trying to see “the big picture” and started focusing on something to fix the moment, versus the problem. I wasn’t dealing with my problems or issues directly, and even with Kitten begging me too, I didn’t notice it. I stopped being overt, and started trying to fix little things that were not what was bothering me. I wasn’t dealing with the root of problems, just the leaves that stemmed from that route in my day to day life.
Also, if it was a problem Kitten was dealing with, I would slip to crisis mode and try to “fix” the little thing, but often times missing the larger picture “Just need you too listen sometimes”, as she said. No, I would get myopic and try to “fix” the problem that was present, and I became so focused I would lose focus of her need and what my purpose was to help. I was trying to overly control the situation, and when I would fail I would implode on myself.
It seemed interesting, and I thought I would share with some people who weren’t aware it existed, because I didn’t.