Yesterday was one of those odd days we have in life, schedule wise. I had to go into work much earlier than usual, and while the morning was ok, it was just a weird schedule for me.
I got in, and was texting with Kitten after she woke up. She wasn’t feeling well, her sinus pressure was off the chart. We had been texting over the past few days, and it was essentially the new normal. Messages here and there, whenever she can.
We had talked this week about us, and just going over where we are and where she wants to be. Her goals that she is setting for herself. How she has given so much to other people in her life (me included) only to be let down. How she wants to make changes for her, and I respect all of that and I want her to achieve all of them. I really do. Even if those goals are all outside of “us”. I want her to be happy.
It is hard to hear goals from someone you had planned so much with not include you. It isn’t out of spite, it is just when you can not be relied upon anymore, the other person needs to build their own foundations and make plans for themselves. It sucks to hear, but I pushed her there. Before, she had many of the same goals, but “we” were involved in achieving them. Now, it is her goals and I just hope that I can be there to watch them. It was another tear at my heart, that I caused.
But yesterday, Kitten called me. Our calls have been few and far between. Between schedules and, honestly, how she feels about us has limited it. She even told me this week, she doesn’t miss me like she should.
But, it was good to hear her voice, amazing actually. We just talked, which was nice. She told me more about her trip, which we hadn’t really talked about since she got home. She told me about some work stuff, and how she wasn’t feeling well.
It was more “normal” than we had talked in a long time. It was a cool drink of water on a hot day. IT made me feel good about myself. I don’t know how to explain it. But, a cool drink of water on a hot day is the easiest description.
We also talked about cooking and some other things we both enjoy. She shared some information with me about a weekly produce delivery product she is trying, and just chatted. That also felt amazing, because she was excited and happy about it and told me all about it. Again, a little hint of normalcy, and very welcome and loved.
As I have said, if this can be considered a step together, it is a baby step. But one I appreciate every moment of.