I woke up yesterday and decided I needed to change some things back I let slide over the year. With all I need to do, I surely have let some parts of me go. The first thing, my attitude.
I used to have a “no fucks given” attitude for everyone that didn’t deserve a fuck to be given. I seriously would call anyone out, anywhere and at anytime. Several things had stopped that, and I started just stewing on things. Even with Kitten, then instead what came out was actual anger when I was pushed to far.
With Kitten, my “No Fucks Given” was more about honesty. I was never rude, but i would be direct and straight forward about my opinions. I would try to give her solid advice, but in a manner that contained no pussy footing.
Everyone else, got the proverbial booth to the mouth. I still wasn’t rude, but I would just be unfiltered. With Kitten, there was a natural filter of love that even when I was direct, it was still shrouded in covered with love. Everyone else, got the size 10 to the mouth.
It lead to a lot of, lets say, colorful interactions. In work, out of work, at the gas station or where ever I was. I just told people who it was. Kitten used to get upset with me when I did it in certain situations, because she felt (and she was right) that it was dangerous. She does it to a point as well, but she is more pleasant when she tells someone to fuck off.
So I guess I started to dial it back a little for her, then my knee got worse, and I knew if someone stepped up, I couldn’t fight as well. the surgery took that to a new level, and that chip on my shoulder slowly melted into a blubbery substance. Maybe it was the realization that I was getting older, and maybe I wasn’t as ready as I thought. But, it lead to that self confidence in that specific part of my personality start to wilt.
I am still a caged dog at times, and now I will bark more. I guess the not barking didn’t make the aggravation of the situation go away, it just mean that I was getting angrier instead of unloading it, being done with it, and moving on. That was the guy before I became angry and shitty, and I deserve to let that free.
S.L.
Mind of Sir 
Yours words certainly seem to portray a rather aggressive way of getting your point across. Are you sure you were less angry before hand, or was it just anger expressed in another way?
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I was not angry. I was blunt. And I got things out. Which was why I wasnt angry. My hyperbole for a quick example translated more in reality of “no, this isn’t going happen because if x,y and z and that is just how it is”
Versus a million dollar conversation for a 10 dollar problem. Lol
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I can understand blunt, I don’t know any other way to be but I have learned that some people don’t want my opinion and some are simply not worth giving it too! And frankly sometimes, it’s just not my place to give it.
There is a line between appropriate and inappropriate regardless of how strongly I feel about it. That was a hard lesson to learn but a good one. Perhaps those were the moments that she got upset?
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Now of you were asking if I decompressed through my sessions with Kitten and it would remove the world and the stress and aggravation of it and focus only on her, that would be 100% accurate.
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No, I wasn’t referring to BDSM, just your use of words when dealing with others. Like ‘a size 10 to the mouth’ etc. Seems like more than just stating an opinion, or not giving a f*. At least that’s the way I understood it.
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So, that is in line with the title being a metaphor. I adapt the “not my monkeys, not my circus” mentality. I let that slip too, where everything seemed to be under my big top. I am working on that too.
I do have a job that does require physical confrontation. But that is very controlled and systematic through design.
I meant more of telling people I have ti deal with more overtly what the deal is. I also will tell them when it isnt my deal, versus letting them make it my deal.
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I want to drink coffee and pet my dog(s). – My motto
Perhaps the tone of the post was just confusing the issue for me, perhaps my INTJ is showing! LoL
I don’t shy away from telling people when I’m not interested in their shenanigans but I’m also prepared for the fact that some can’t or don’t want to handle being around this attitude. Okay, in reality – most – but I don’t care to be around people anyway so for me, it works. Just FYI FWIW
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Ha ha ha I appreciate the response. Yeah, I just try and stay in my lane. If someone comes in my lane…..lol
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It was my place of zen and happiness., yes.
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